“The behaviour of the boys is amazing. We have observed a hunger to learn and do things better”
“My husband and I read your manual yesterday and started using some of the points related to tantrums and have already seem a marked improvement in our little boys behaviour”
“I know that by using your techniques at school and at home it will lead to a better behaved, well mannered and well balanced child”
“Concentration levels – she received an achievement award for maths and reading last term which is proof that she is really overcoming this problem and working hard”
“I have moved my classes from simply teaching to a warm style of parenting. In the process feel more in touch with my classes. No one falls through the cracks.”
“Since your workshop, I have not smacked my boys once – regular hidings to keep them in check are a thing of the past. I also shout FAR less than I ever did before – and now when I DO have to shout – it makes them jump and, boy, do they listen!! Before I started Kensway – I was shouting daily and my “shouty” voice was just ignored!”
“So far our family is really benefitting from Kensway and Jonathan is really thriving under the new “regime”. His fears have calmed down a lot and although they haven’t disappeared, he does seem better able to use his frontal lobe and control his fears. Jonathan has responded very well to the extra responsibility too–he’s loving the pocket money for chores, the shop and getting that half hour of tv for good behaviour. The dramatic improvement is that he will now go anywhere in the house by himself, including the back bedroom (spareroom), which was unthinkable before Kensway.”
“I have been a little apprehensive to write this email to you as I don’t want to jinx our much improved situation at home! We have had a wonderful, happy holiday with our family and Adam has been a star. He seems to have turned a corner and has become the child we’ve been waiting for for so long! He’s polite, more easy-going, helpful, cooperative, calmer and his attitude has improved significantly. He seems to have realised the benefits of behaving well and towing the line and I think he appreciates the happier and less stressed home life.”
“In August 2017, I contacted Ken Resnick about my son, who was in Grade R at a private school in Johannesburg. Ken was my last line of defense against a system that I believed would prevent my beautiful and gentle child from reaching his full potential. We’d just returned from a meeting at our son’s school. It was the third “big” meeting. As anticipated it was another disappointing confirmation of the paltry options available to us. We were already signed up for all the therapies (OT, Speech and Physio) and had already exhausted our lifeline of repeating a grade. I was miserable. I was starting to grasp that I couldn’t beat a system that was completely rooted and invested in archaic predictors, flimsy diagnoses and cures (IQ testing, ADD/ADHD and medications). In my gut I knew none of it made sense. When I researched ADD/ADHD and medication, I was astounded at how diagnosing and medicating kids had snowballed in the past two decades without enough people questioning why, or considering its efficacy.
How could we possibly hope to avoid getting entangled in this mess when it seemed every teacher, principal, therapist or professional working in the system supported and promoted these ideas? I argued that we were exceptions, but soon learnt that there were no exceptions. The same thing was happening at private schools all over Johannesburg. It seemed that since I’d finished school the system was more efficient than ever at weeding out or “curing” the difficult or average kids in its voracious quest to produce above average performers – a necessity in the competitive business of selling education and attracting customers with deep enough pockets. I soon realized our best hope of escape might be to exit the “formal” system by considering at “alternative schools” or heaven forbid, home schooling. Neither were options.
My brain scrambled. I knew that this decision would be a turning point for my son. If I followed the professional advice I’d been given, I believed I would condemn my son to a label, which would limit his choices in the long run and forever allow him to abdicate any responsibility for his behavior, or fully claim any success as his own. I’d heard about Ken from a friend who’d attended one of his talks at a wellheeled private girl’s school. Instead of delivering the usual conflicting psychobabble or lobbing the de jour acronyms at a bewildered audience, he’d offered some old-fashioned parenting advice. I went home and googled him and everything he said resonated with me. It made the most sense of all. If my kid wasn’t getting what he actually needed at home, in terms of his primary educators providing stability, consistency and routine, then how on earth could we, or anyone else, expect he’d be able to function in a classroom, or the big wide world? Make no mistake this kid had everything he could ask for. He had playroom jammed with things we’d foolishly purchased because some marketing genius had convinced us it would make him smarter, happier and successful. Plus he had two parents (read: indentured servants) who practically did everything for him. And that was the problem, nothing more. It reminded me of Freud’s reported admonishment to student searching for a significant meaning behind Freud’s incessant cigar habit, to which Freud responded: “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar!” Like many new parents who’ve had kids in the past decade, we’d gotten a little confused about the parenting thing and what our role was. For us this was caused by a combination of factors: guilt, fear, fashion and the misguided notion that we had to deliver the ideal childhood of 80s sitcoms that we never had and push our kid hard so he too could live the “dream” invented by the clever guys on Madison Avenue.
We thought we were doing our son a favour by indulging him, and that controlling and involving ourselves in the minutiae of his life would benefit him. What we’ve learnt from Ken is that by doing those things we robbed him of the most crucial learning experiences that create the necessary self-esteem and confidence to want to try. The results: staggering. Our son previously opted out of everything that he perceived as too difficult (construed by professionals as a possible learning disability (low IQ) or ADD). Now that he knows a lifeboat isn’t coming to get him, he’ll swim. To everyone’s surprise (except mine) he gets the difficult stuff right more often than not. He was lazy and unmotivated (construed as a learning disability (low IQ or ADD) – He is motivated to do things and to try more challenging tasks. He shows more grit, which incidentally the experts now agree, is more important than IQ. He also gets on with the things that make a household tick: dressing, chores etc. We have seen his self-esteem and confidence grow exponentially and his teacher’s are happy and have stopped offering us the kool aid.
In conclusion: Ken helped us avert disaster.
Our son is staying in the normal school system without medication.
I do anticipate we’ll still have our ups and downs in the system, but we now have the skills and confidence to be the parents he needs and to get him through these hurdles with our sanity and our son in tact. I would recommend that you try this programme before resorting to medications or therapies.”
“We have been thrilled to see the enthusiasm in both our boys since implementing some of the changes you suggested. We have noticed a difference in both children, but our youngest, Jonty (5) has really taken to it very well. He is thriving…he has slept in his own bed every night since we followed your suggestion on the “trip to the baby shop” the next day…and it just worked…we were blown away! He has come to our bed in the middle of the night for the last 4 years non stop…so this is a significant change for him – and for us!
Callum, my eldest (9), has loved the additional responsibility and the opportunity to do more in the house, and earn more pocket money. I am struggling though with letting go of the school work assistance, support and checking. I am worried that his marks are going to be affected negatively…and this is the hardest one for me to simply allow to happen. I was hoping to be able to chat to you about this at our next session, to see where I can improve..to help him take ownership, and actually want to improve for himself. We have changed our approach to food as well..like you suggested, and cooking just the one meal for everyone – although hard at first, I can see that this is really going to help him with his confidence when visiting friends or family…at mealtimes, and also increasing his variety of food.
Both of my boys are loving the “Top Dog” routine – and the extra jobs in the house. They are doing so much…and clambering over them all, to try to get as many done as they can when they are top dog. Dillon is bragging to his colleagues at work that his 5 year old has made his dad’s sandwich for that day…and the kids are so chuffed that they are able to.
Please do let me know if there is another second session we could attend?”
“We started implementing the plan of action yesterday, and WOW I’m already seeing the results after one day!
I must admit I was very hesitant in the beginning but I now realise how Matthew had made a hook of being scared all the time, and playing on it.
I told him it’s fine I will following him to the toilet, but then he’s choosing to act like a baby, as only babies expected that (and I acted very confused),
I also went on to say I will get all his baby toys out and his baby blanket, which I did, and BOY DID HE NOT LIKE THAT! This morning he was speaking out of habit and called me, then paused and stopped himself and went “oh never mind” and went to the toilet on his own.
Also he had a tantrum last night, and I told him he that because of his attitude (which isn’t acceptable) he is now choosing to go to his room, so I managed to get him to his room, and I held the door closed. (not easy!!!)
He banged and banged and said “I can’t breath” and cried “I’m scared”, then tried “I love you mom!” etc etc.
I stood outside the door and told him the longer he chooses to scream and preform the longer he will stay in there. He eventually settled down after about 10 / 15 minutes and I opened the door and he apologised and was good as gold and played so nicely on the couch with his books.
Also last night putting him to sleep in his own room was a dream! he went straight to sleep!
Thank you so much for helping us with this, every cent we have paid towards this, is worth it!
My husband and I are Christians and what I like about this programme is it has Biblical principals, as God never forces his Children to serve him or to do things, he gives us a Choice, and the same applies here we are giving our child the freedom to make his own choices, but we also making him aware that if he chooses to makes bad choices there are negative consequence.
Thanks again, we taking it one step at a time, will keep you posted!”
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